Police Academy

Following on from yesterday's post, which mentioned frivolous expenditure amid the credit crunch, I realised today that our school must be wasting a fortune every term on 'phone calls to the local police station. The cops are being called on to the premises on such a regular basis lately that I am on first name terms with several of the officers. In fact, there has even been talk of a combined teacher-police night out during the festive season.

Several students have been caught shoplifting from local premises while truanting from class and have since been banned from the town centre; one Year 10 boy was taken out on a stretcher, with the constabulary in attendance, after overdosing on acid (before 10am); a colleague's car was vandalised for the fourth time since the beginning of the current academic year; and yet another Year 10 student, another truant, was knocked down by a local resident's 4x4 while his classmates trudged through some Spanish grammar.

Perhaps we could do our bit to ease the financial burden and cut down on the 'phone bills by employing on-site community officers, as they do in some schools. Or, better still, franchising the local station and therefore bringing the police under the umbrella of the local education authority. My main concern, however, is that our fearless and anti-social students would simply view this new presence as a fresh target for their abusive rage. I wonder if abusing the police in this way would qualify them for free refloxology treatments?