The past two days at work have been rather strange. Not because we have just started back after nine days off, after which it is always difficult to get back into the swing of things. Not because I am completely exhausted after a very enjoyable yet far from restful half-term away from students and colleagues and among family and friends. And, finally, not even because I saw a shocking display of incompetence today from a cover teacher who should know better. It has been strange, worryingly so, because I have become quite detached from my job. I am putting minimal effort into the preparation and delivery of my lessons, hoping that they will go reasonably well rather than striving, as I have always done up to this point, to deliver lessons that are continually challenging, engaging and exciting for the kids in my classes. I don't care as much any more. I just want to do what I have to do to get through the day and then go home.
During one Year 9 lesson this afternoon, I realised that even I was bored by the so-called information spilling out of my mouth. This realisation, which is of course difficult for me to admit, terrifies me. This is leading me to doubt my desire - not my ability - to teach the same subject year after year. Therefore, for the first time in my career I am considering the possibilty of changing direction by joining another department to teach another subject in the hope that this might rekindle my passion for teaching, which would then be reflected in my lessons. Perhaps I will feel differently next week, perhaps not. I don't know at this stage. What I do know is that I have serious doubts about whether or not things can go on like this before I seek to make proper changes or before inevitable changes are forced upon me.
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9 comments:
I feel that way sometimes. In my case I've worked out it's because I just don't have the time to focus on my teaching anymore. With all the other crap we have to do it can feel like something I do in my spare time. I miss the creativity of teaching.
Sounds like you didn't really have a proper holiday. I am increasingly getting the feeling that half-term really should be a series of days, lying in a darkened room, listening to some soothing music, under a warm duvet. Mine was mark, mark, mark, see a few friends for a day or so, then mark, mark, mark some more. Not a darkened room in sight. Hope you get your mojo back, or if not, hope a new opportunity comes along.
I taught one subject for three years. It was nice only having to prepare for just one lesson each day, but by the third year I had stopped teaching and was just repeating. And this was my holy grail. The subject I loved and took eight years to be able to teach it. I didn't leave the department, but I picked up other subjects within the dept. I actually felt better with three preps than just one. It's important to keep yourself engaged in the learning process in order to pass that passion on to the studets. I'm glad you have realized this in yourself and are taking steps keep fresh. I've known too many teachers who are comfortable repeating year after year.
Anonymous- I agree with you completely that, to a certain extent, my current problem stems from the fact that preparing decent lessons is too far down my priority list due to the amount of paperwork I am required to do and the high number of deadlines that I must meet, none of which has a direct impact on the teaching and learning that is taking place in my classroom. If I were able to express myself better then I would have made this point in the original blog post!
Fran Hill- I worked very hard prior to the half-term so that I would have a minimal amount of marking and prep to do during the break. Normally I spend a couple of days pottering about my house not doing very much at all but this wasn't the case this time around. Perhaps I am now suffering for being non-stop over a prolonged period of time, be it work stuff or otherwise?
PM- You are correct to say that a big part of the problem is that I am becoming bored with the repetition of teaching more or less the same stuff year after year. This may sound easy and, as you say, some teachers are content to plod along like this indefinitely but, in my opinion, their quality of teaching is bound to suffer in the long run. Taking this route, an easy route, is not for me bacause I do have professional standards that I would like to maintain.
My current feelings worry me greatly because the passion is beginning to wane. The ability to instill a genuine passion for learning is undeniably a pivotal aspect of the job. Without it, a teacher is close to useless.
I couldn't agree with both you and Anonymous more. I also miss the 'creativity' of teaching and am increasingly frustrated by our management's insistence we jump through higher and higher Ofsted-induced hoops instead of focusing on what really matters - the teaching and learning. I am an FE lecturer and I know that many of my colleagues feel exactly the same way too. We are also facing a load of redundancies owing to funding cuts (not to mention poor financial management), and morale amongst lecturers is at an all time low. It's so sad, because some of the best teachers in the college are either thinking of leaving, or are so worn out with it all that they have lost their passion for teaching. I've also started a blog (semi-fictional) to start processing some of the madness. The trouble is, much of it is all too real!
Lizzie Love- Interesting to get the FE perspective but disappointing and disheartening to hear that it much the same at your end of things. Is there *anything* we can do to make some positve changes or are we bound to suffer and complain endlessly with no hope in sight?
I wish I could answer that! In fact, it's something I often wonder about. Perhaps we should convene a like-minded bloggers' conference on this (we would all wear masks, of course) and invite representatives from our respective schools and colleges, plus Ofsted and other educational organisations to come along and listen to some of OUR powerpoint presentations!
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